Curse

EchoSex · Sep 27, 2005, 07:41 PM // 19:41

I'm big into pyschology. I like looking at the human mind and how it operates, so I'm well aware of the facts that we are, infact, still intact with our primal instincts and reactions. While we try to represe these insticts, they do eventualy surface, during sports, sex and war. But what does it take to unleash this drive of passion and destruction in public? I think I now know. We have bosses. Bosses have bosses. Bosses of bosses have bosses. We all know this, and we all hate it. "Why should somebody tell me what to do?" you ask. At first it angers you, but for most it just brings them down a peg in their self esteem, while others only feel this way subconciously, showing no remorse on the outside. So what happens when these dreaded bosses start making your life a living hell? I found out first hand.

I sat at my desk and started logging off the network. The graphic design work doesn't quite flow like wine, so having a second job at the cyber cafe across the street helps put food on the table when times are bad. Rick, my boss, calls me into the back room. It's time for me to leave and go home to my fiancee, back to a life which I can enjoy. But no, I have to sit here and wait for him to complain. He starts off, complaining about an issue in my personal life which has nothing to do with my occupation and does not interfere with my getting work done. He gets a phone call in the middle of his whining and starts chatting on the phone for 10 minutes while I sit there, having my time wasted even more. The conversation ends and he goes back to complaining. I notice some people are starting to come in and I ask him if I could just go out and get my laptop bag and come back, as the last thing I need is for more of my crap to get stolen. He just stares at me and says "Alright hot shot - how about I just call the police and say you're invading personal property?" I looked at the chubby butthead with disblief, "Did this ass just say he was going to call the police and make up some crap because I wanted to get my bag?" He continued to talk and pulled crap, claiming that me wearing headphones back to my apartment "scares off customers and breaks customs of the cafe" (note that I put them on AFTER I leave the place).

So I'm sitting here, listening to this crap, and I'm getting mad. Mad with a capital M. I could feel a buring in my chest and my fists started to cluth. I wanted to kill him. I seriously wanted to grab him by the throat, put his big head on the desk and stab him with my apartment keys. My anger gets to a higher point as I seriously think of ways to kill him without getting caught - poisoning, a long distance shot from a rifle, a hitman, a car accident.. My brain is going wild, thinking of destruction. I can almost feel myself losing control of reality AND my nerves. Finally I crack - I don't kill or harm him, but I got up and started screaming right back at him. Many a "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" were thrown around, and I left saying "YES SIR, EFF YOU SIR!" with a middle finger raised. I went up to my apartment thinking of many things, not discluding where I was going to get another job and what I was going to tell my fiancee. But something still lingered in the back of my mind - how to off this prick. After a calm down, I realized just how close I was to actualy murdering someone, how close I was to becoming an animal again, in that I would kill him and run. Was my body trying to defend itself? What was it trying to prove? Was it some dark place in my mind driven by hate and instinct that made me think and feel those things? Just what would've happend if Rick had gone any further in his speech with me refusing to speak up? I'm looking into it and I think that it's a mode of defence - animals will fight and kill eachother for only 4 things - food, sex, shelter and pride. Out of all of these, it was probably pride that set me off.

Now that I've stated my theory, what do you think? What would set you off, and how close have to been to just losing it and going.. Primal?

Avari Zi · Sep 27, 2005, 07:53 PM // 19:53

I don't have anything that extreme, but the thought of self preservation has driven people pretty crazy. Some people where accually killed while fighting over water at stores before the hurricane. A guy also pulled a gun on some people at a nearby gas station. People start doing crazy violent things when they want something bad enough.

EmperorTippy · Sep 27, 2005, 07:57 PM // 19:57

I've been real close before. It was 'cause of both pride and sex and a bit of protecting my exgirlfriend (lol a bit actually it was mostly but w/e).

Zaklex · Sep 27, 2005, 08:30 PM // 20:30

Unlike you I probably wouldn't have lasted that long, mostly likely would have punched him right in the face 5 minutes after he had gotten off the phone and started up again, if not sooner. The only time he would be able to tell me what to do would be during work hours, once those are over it's a free world. Does that tell you my breaking point, it's very short believe me.

EchoSex · Sep 27, 2005, 08:35 PM // 20:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zaklex

Unlike you I probably wouldn't have lasted that long, mostly likely would have punched him right in the face 5 minutes after he had gotten off the phone and started up again, if not sooner. The only time he would be able to tell me what to do would be during work hours, once those are over it's a free world. Does that tell you my breaking point, it's very short believe me.

Tottaly agree with you - after work hours, you should be free and not have to put up with crap. That's what REALLY pissed me off.

Vhayr · Sep 27, 2005, 09:02 PM // 21:02

I'm a student at an art college, and there are certain people around that really...well, yeah. There's this guy in particular that likes to think he is the best, and he digs at -everything- I do. It doesn't help that I'm vegan and 5'4" (leave me alone!). Anyway, I breathe, I get pelted with insults and "witty" observations (which are now about seventy hundred years old). Sometimes I just want to kill him. Or cry. Kill him or cry, because my emotions are so high that I have to do something. I haven't said anything yet, because I don't like conflict and I'm a very peaceful person (everybody else is really macho...sucks to be me) but I can feel myself cracking.

Grr.

zehly · Sep 27, 2005, 09:30 PM // 21:30

I usually just sit there and get yelled at and go home and blame myself, so it's encouraging to see someone stand up for themselves, even if it does mean yelling and telling him to F himself.

But I'm glad you didn't kill him. I don't know much about psychology.. that's why I see a psychologist twice a week. However, from a scientific point of view, and from my limited knowledge of the human mind, I would say that it could have been primal, in that a few things happened:
(1) He wouldn't let you get your bag, and you had a fear of something of YOURS getting stolen;
(2) You were more or less threatened by him calling the police;
(3) I infer that you didn't like your job (but I may be wrong), but regardless, as you said, you needed the job, and felt like he was going to jeapordize that. And you have a fiancee to support. As ludicrous as it may sound, you got defensive about your job to the very person who can take it away.

It seems like you and I are on the complete opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to 'anger' I guess. I don't really get angry like that. I get.. something else. So as bad as it may sound to yourself, if it does, I think you did a good job at least standing up for yourself.

I hope you find a new job soon, too.

~Lain

Sir Skullcrasher · Sep 27, 2005, 10:54 PM // 22:54

*take out 20-gauage shotgun*

*buy multiple boxes of bullets*

Go out and shoot.... some ducks!

Anger is a dangerous thing and it will make people do things that they will regret. Its good that you didn't attack your boss (and i think he being unreasonable for yelling at you in the first place for nothing) Just chilli out, and think to yourself "This is my life, i ran it whatever way i like, and no one can ruin it but myself" Whenever i get angry, do something to take it off your mind (videogames) is the best way to get rid of stress and anger. Just remember, not to take angry to the exterme and do things that is dangerous.

Take care and get a better job with a better boss!

zehly · Sep 27, 2005, 10:57 PM // 22:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by sir skulkcrasher

*take out 20-gauage shotgun*

*buy multiple boxes of bullets*

Go out and shoot.... some ducks!

Anger is a dangerous thing and it will make people do things that they will regret. Its good that you didn't attack your boss (and i think he being unreasonable for yelling at you in the first place for nothing) Just chilli out, and think to yourself "This is my life, i ran it whatever way i like, and no one can ruin it but myself" Whenever i get angry, do something to take it off your mind (videogames) is the best way to get rid of stress and anger. Just remember, not to take angry to the exterme and do things that is dangerous.

Take care and get a better job with a better boss!

Cigarettes and Alchohol work extremely well of passifying serious fits of displeasure.

d4nowar · Sep 27, 2005, 11:38 PM // 23:38

I try not to get really angry at stuff like that. I'm really not sure what sets me off, but whenever it happens I just get to some music as fast as I can and just listen. That is why I like trance. Trance just flows through you and calms every part of you.

zehly · Sep 27, 2005, 11:52 PM // 23:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by d4nowar

I try not to get really angry at stuff like that. I'm really not sure what sets me off, but whenever it happens I just get to some music as fast as I can and just listen. That is why I like trance. Trance just flows through you and calms every part of you.

/signed for truth.

TwilightOblivion · Sep 27, 2005, 11:54 PM // 23:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by zehly

Cigarettes and Alchohol work extremely well of passifying serious fits of displeasure.

AUGH!! drugs=bad m'kay no matter what they are. alchohol, tobacco, marijuana, meth, crack, shrooms, whatever!! Stress is not a legitimate exuse to use drugs! So fuking what if you had a bad day? SO DID EVERYONE ELSE! Just know that tommorow will most likely be a better day.

zehly · Sep 28, 2005, 12:12 AM // 00:12

Today is the tomorrow you were afraid of yesterday. Was it worth it?

Zaklex · Sep 28, 2005, 12:20 AM // 00:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by TwilightOblivion

AUGH!! drugs=bad m'kay no matter what they are. alchohol, tobacco, marijuana, meth, crack, shrooms, whatever!! Stress is not a legitimate exuse to use drugs! So fuking what if you had a bad day? SO DID EVERYONE ELSE! Just know that tommorow will most likely be a better day.

You have a lot to learn still, not every day is going to be better than the day before, it might even be worse. If someone makes the choice to use artificial substances to cope, then so be it, as long as it doesn't harm others.

EchoSex · Sep 28, 2005, 12:46 AM // 00:46

This night just gets worse, for the record. I'm just going to leave it as simply as this:

When in time did we get so far from the World that we did not love life?

smurfhunter · Sep 28, 2005, 01:25 AM // 01:25

im willing to bet that if someone gave you a gun the second you lost it, you wouldnt shoot. dreaming of 'having power', like the 'power' to shoot someone is totally different from actually having that 'power'. even better, i bet if you walked into that room with a magnum in your hat, you wouldnt even have gotten pissed.

and drugs cause more problems than they solve. end of story really, using them to cure stress is pretty short term and not so clever.

Enigmatics · Sep 28, 2005, 01:31 AM // 01:31

Quote:

( what's my anti-drug? )

Alcohol used to be my anti-drug. Now self-destructive behaviors and self-defeating recursive thought patterns independent of substance abuse are my anti-drug. Thanks for keeping me from drugs, Mr. Government! I sure couldn't use anything to dull the pain of existence right now!

If you're irrationally distressed, zoloft helps.

This is all very introspective, but i'm pretty sure most people know when they get pissed, kids who don't have jobs as well as those who work. And the threshold of "tolerance" can be broken when your spouse is screaming at you to dump the laundry, or when you see a blind kid being bullied in the street. There aren't any constants defining when you feel an emotion, and psychology is much more than making constants.

Spartan2 · Sep 28, 2005, 01:49 AM // 01:49

Wow, that really sucks. The thing is, I would have done the exact same in your situation. Whatever it is that occured to make your day even worse, I can't possibly imagine it nor think it lest I lose the will to contain the thought. I just hope you remember that karma has a way of coming back to you. Remember, there is a positive to this negative. Just don't say anything that you will regret: ie. ramblings of death threats while in the pressence of said asshat's friends.

PieXags · Sep 28, 2005, 01:55 AM // 01:55

I've got a lot of pride, a lot of people would say I've got too much. If it were me in Echo's place, I would've been out of their long, long before him me thinks. I like to think time is a valuable thing, and I don't enjoy it when some RED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GO in a big chair thinks he can take it from me. There's work in other places, and it could always get worse. I'm not into a lot of physical violence though, I don't think I would've had thoughts of murdering anyone. I think there's a difference though between throwing a violent tempter tantrum and going insane. I'm pretty sure I could go over the edge for a bit, like Echo here. If I went insane though, there'd be more than one person gone me thinks. And I don't know or want to think about what could cause that.

Guillaume De Sonoma · Sep 28, 2005, 02:18 AM // 02:18

Humans snap. We don't always know why but we do and its a fact. I'm young but I was wrestling a guy and he kneed me in the nose. Well I started to bleed. Ref stopped it and i waited till it stopped bleeding and got back in again. Again he knees me in the nose. Once was acceptable accidents happen but 2 times really pissed me off. Had to wait for the blood to stop and got back in. It was part way through the 2nd round and I just wanted to hurt him. Mind you I am 6 feet tall and 140 lbs. (I'm a stick boy) and I am wrestling up a weight class. So this guy is a bit bigger than me but I could have cared less. I went in right off the bat double leg takedown (but I am not to good at those) well startegy whent out the window its just somewhat brutal now. Round end. 3rd round starts and its my pick so I choose Neutral (standing up) Locked up with the guy got my arm around his neck and an arm under his armpit. Perfect the head and arm was set up its my favorite move, quick, efficent, I like it and if you don't do it right you can easily knock the wind out of someone maybe crack a rib if your a big kid. Well me wrestling up and not being thatstrong at all executed it. He went soaring landed on the mat with a hug thud. And I came down on top of him and well knocked the wind out of him. He didn't try to move the ref seeing this stopps the match to see whats the matter. The ref sees that I had hurt him stops the match and gives the match to the other kid. I was very upset after this obviously but couldn't do anything to stop it. My first and only loss of the season. In the end I wish I had used a double armbar on him becuae it can pin and hurts them pretty bad because of my bonny arms. Lesson learned but when I went to the double leg takedown I wasn't thinking and after I had the head and arm in I stopped thinking. I didn't set up the move correctly and just did a judo flip or something which the ref sees as illegal. People piss me of but this guy has done what very few other could have done. But his team heckling me wasn't helping either. And I know the only reason they had been doing it was because I was white. I live in a heavily mexican area and go to the "white school* teams don't heckle other teams competitors normally but apperently they have problems with me for that reason which is what they are always whinning about. So go figure, F*** off, whatever suits you best.